My Sanctuary

The days came in nearer,
The worries piled up greater,
The anxieties never seemed to end,
This was how YAC began.
—
Had no experience running anything like this before,
Had no idea what might come knocking at the door,
Had no preparations made for the worst at stake,
Had been fallen, but I learnt from my mistakes.
—
Met many people I do not know,
The volunteers have been great; me, they never scold,
For the times when things seemed so wrong,
For they stood by me, made me ever so strong.
—
Going through the times when I was down,
Being there when no one closer was around,
Giving me support I never had,
Having them made me glad.
—
Uncle Richard,
The most wise and experienced one,
Words of wisdom,
Never seemed to fail coming from his mouth.
—
Aunty Evelyn,
You’ve been nothing but great,
Helped with the daily menus,
Sorry for all the headaches,
—
Chien Kuan,
Ever caring and attentive to other’s needs,
Thanks for keeping all the campers safe,
Thanks for being more than a camp medic.
—
Uncle Edmund,
I hope that you’ll be all well,
From this sickness that’s always bugging you,
I hope that you’ll be well someday soon.
—
Peter,
Dude, whatever that was that bit you,
I hope that you’ll recover soon,
Wishing you the best in all that you do.
—
Jenny,
Sad that you left us half way,
Didn’t know much about you,
Above all, this I’d like to say "Thank you".
—
I miss the campers, they reminded me the things I used to do,
They reminded me of those who were/are very dear to me, I once knew,
I hope that I could meet them again in future, someday,
Until then, may these fond memories of them stay.
—
I guess, if not certain, that we will probably never meet again,
The year ahead of me, leading me into a different lane,
Of this path which I took, 9 months ago,
I wonder how it would be, I guess no one knows.
—
Would I return to where I once found passion doing the things I do,
Would I embark onto a new adventure, will it begin soon,
Would there be the joy and laughter I once indulged in,
Would I ever find this place, I have always longed to be.

Another night of restless sleep,
Having thoughts, endlessly raging inside me,
Worrying if I have not enough time,
Being lost not having found story lines.
—
Need ideas to flow as I work on these more,
Need guidance to go through whatever went wrong,
Need a strength in me I couldn’t find,
Help me dear Lord again, this I pray, tonight.

Cannot sleep yet … it is already 1 in the morning,
Got to get up for work later, still not yawning,
So many things caught up in mind,
A time to rest, this I couldn’t find.
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I’m having this fear, I might not be able to cope,
So many things scheduled for me, I’m like fully "booked",
I just wish I could have just a month’s time just doing nothing,
I need to rejuvenate, I can’t continue running,
This race I’ve started, I felt like ending it before,
But mind changed, when Uncle Yap said there’s more,
To come, I’ve to face, in the future so uncertain,
I hope I’ve the strength, to carry this burden,
Of mine which I find it hard to share,
I’m afraid work not done well, disappointments I wish not bear,
Pushing myself to the limits most of the time,
Health failing me lately, I wish I could continue to shine.
—
A month’s left till it’ll come,
So many things still left undone,
I pray and hope I could get them done in due time,
Meanwhile as I sign off, till next time.

How is it like when fame gets in the way,
When everyone puts every thing onto your shoulders,
Could you still bear the weight,
And the responsibilities that come with it,
As well as the expectations you have to meet.
—
How not to get stressed like this,
How can people manage time so properly,
In times like these,
How you and I ponder, the little we have,
But we always wanted more,
How all these, could just make you,
Go so sore.
—
I cast all my cares on You,
I seriously dunno what I should do,
So much to be done, yet so little time,
I’m so lost, I no longer know what’s mine.
—
I’ve always been relying on strength of my own,
I tend to run dry, right down deep into the bones,
Restless nights I’ve to go through alone,
Waking up the day after,
How I wish I could stay at home.
—
I wonder how could some people live another day by,
Pushing responsibilities onto others,
Hell no these aren’t mine,
I wonder if there’s this sense of guilt instilled in them,
I hope in time there’ll be a new plan.

What an unforgettable experience it has been,
Never before I felt like this,
I didn’t think this kinda thing would come true,
At least not when, I’m here around you.
—
Somehow it felt different today,
Had this weird feeling coming my way,
I was like predicting where you would sit,
Still not a word we had in between.
—
Gracefully you boarded the bus,
Your eyes scanned across the aisle,
I could bet seeing you smile for a while,
You approached closer, as I’ve foreseen,
But I didn’t expect you to be seated,
Right in front of me.
—
It was a disaster, I wasn’t me,
I was somehow dazed by your beauty,
Took in bigger breaths, my heart wasn’t at ease,
It came to a point, I found it difficult to breathe.
—
Never will I forget what happened today,
Forever in my memory, it’ll stay,
Hoping that as days pass me by,
A step closer I would, knowing you more.

I can’t link them somehow tonight,
Words just won’t come, but still every thing’s alright,
Been reflecting on life, the two months I had before,
I guess Christmas came in early, Santa knocked on the door.
—
I’ve been in the circular world, working my ass off against time,
Tried to please just anyone, their appraisals I made mine,
But as I looked back at how it was then, it was just meaningless,
Life was just a routine, I felt nothing inside but … emptiness.
—
Days passed me by just like … that,
Passing another day at work just made me glad,
Looked forward to pay day most of the time,
Unstable I was, stressed was I.
—
I am glad God saved me from all these shit,
Somehow He knew, that was the best time I quit,
Things went rough at first, so many people were at blame,
But as time passed me by, my soul God hath saved.
—
I was employed immediately there after,
It was, "Whoa!" Coincidence? I wondered,
I began to learn it was not much so,
It was a "divine appointment", He planned it so.
—
I’ve been blessed so much more ever since,
Working here, somehow made me feel complete,
I enjoy what I’m doing every day,
I’m quite sure for some time, here I’ll stay.
—
I’m lavishing His blessings every day,
I’ll never forget when life turned, changed,
I won’t forget losing children I dearly loved,
They were like sent from heaven above.
—
I’m thankful, being told of this Good News,
Thank you Mrs. Lim, she introduced me to You,
All the Holiday Bible Camps which she told me of,
Just brought my family closer, to the Lord.

It’s times like this I enjoy most,
Peace and quiet, no one else’s at home,
Idling around, trying to find,
Answers to the questions lingering in my mind.
—
Thinking of things way beyond my time,
Seeking for things I might never find,
Caring for those who will leave one day,
What else is there left to stay.
—
In this game I’ll continue to play,
I’ll play hard, to the rules I’ll obey,
I’ll try to truimph above the rest around me,
I’ll win victoriously, for You art with me.
—
Do I ever feel dry being like this,
Frankly I do, there are many things I’ve missed,
There are many things in life I’ve left unattended,
Memories of such, always treasured.
—
Took me two days to get to know you more,
The two days after you were gone forevermore,
Will we ever meet again, perhaps in a year or two,
At this same place? Knows who …
—
I’ll remember all those joy and laughter,
I’ll remember the times you told me you were so tired,
I’ll recall of those sleepy little eyes,
I wish I could just get lost in time.
—
I still remember how you were at supper,
The biscuits you took to satisfy your hunger,
I still remember the mosquitoe bite on your finger,
I could still recall the itch you tried so hard to presevere.
—
I remembered how cute you were on the third day,
How you faired so well in the Team BodyGame,
Left Right, Left Right, boldly your team marched on,
You guys came in third, wasn’t that bad afterall.
—
Remember this, even as I end,
You’re winner, ever since it all began,
You’re special, let no one look down on you,
You can make a difference, I know you always will.

Looked out the window, into the rain,
Casting my eyes, across the plains,
Anticipating what lies ahead of me,
I’ve never before felt so keen.
—
I’ve been away from town the week before,
I was away during the weekends, to Segamat, Johor,
Wasn’t I in one piece, as I left home,
My heart and mind, my body did not hold.
—
Whenever the clock strikes eight it excites me,
I would be found leaving home, off to work, I’m ready,
Excited knowing that a new day awaits me,
New promises, new challenges, and a new story.
—
The bus I boarded stopped for passengers,
I would expect seeing you, well, as usual,
But you weren’t there, I began to question,
I haven’t seen you for the past week, so to mention.
—
It’s not that I fell for you, but rather it’s the impression you gave,
Of how you’d look, how you’d dress, with that "look" on your face,
Sulking? Perhaps, or should it be … irritated,
By the dust, on your face as they tainted.
—
You arrived, somehow I knew you would,
But you looked different, as I began, I understood,
That you were late, your hair was badly managed,
The bus driver somehow … didn’t mind the wait.
—
I couldn’t keep my eyes off you, even as you crossed the road,
The strong breeze caressed your hair, as the heavy traffic flowed,
It took quite a while, before you got to the other side,
You boarded the bus, and the engine began to cry.

I tend to recall times of when,
Times of when "things" began,
Maybe it bring me happiness, or sadness in life,
Times of when, you would just sigh.
—
Reflecting on stupidity you went through,
Recalling those remarks you threw,
Just pondering on questions of "What If"s,
Just pausing for a moment, how I missed.
—
Precious time we could have spent together,
Better days we could have been through whenever,
Rough seas we might have conquered,
A relationship which we might have endured.
—
Forever, never is true,
Whoever says that is just lying to you,
Just to please you, another day passes by,
Living on nothing but LIES!!!
—
Beauty does not last,
Metal they turn into rust,
Money is nothing but lust,
Friendship is overrated, it’ll pass.

It’s always during times like these,
Heavy rain outside, the chill you’ll never miss,
Recalling of memories which never came across my mind,
Pondering of things, wasting time as it slowly passes by.
—
But tonight it is different than the days before,
Tonight there is "someone" knocking outside, behind the doors,
It is tonight, I feel the cruelness of how humans could be,
We who are much more able, not attending to those in need.
—
It was like three weeks ago when this first happened,
A new friend came by, she was all so solemn,
She was pretty, beautiful you bet, but she was solemn,
She was left alone unwanted, and she was pregnant.
—
She lingered a lot, for the weeks ahead,
She was going around the neighbourhood, looking for food she could partake,
She had to keep herself fit enough to pull this through,
No longer she’s feeding for one, but also for those within.
—
Her presence isn’t any odd anymore in our midst,
My mom felt for her, tried to hook her up with a vet, what she could do at least,
Wondering if they could take her in, if there’s still room,
The Vet replied, there is always one, with a RM100 bill.
—
We forked out money from our pockets for this cause,
We were hoping to send her to a vet, at least there she could find cure,
There she could get the attention she needs too,
At least there she’ll be fed with regular meals.
—
Phonecalls were made, the van came shortly after,
Mom kept her within our compound a tad earlier,
Down came an elderly man, with a thick rope in his hands,
He got hold of her by the neck, eventually tossed her up into the back of the van.
—
But she was reluctant to stay in, she leapt back down,
She was lost and all so furious, she started to growl,
The man was much afraid, he gave up shortly after,
Was unsatisfied, he began to lecture.
—
Humanity doesn’t start with animals it seems,
Kindness should be started with human beings,
Money should be given to those limping around town,
Stray animals should be best "ignored", no where to be found.
—
She lingered on from then after,
Days passed by so quickly, soon she’ll deliver,
How would her future be, we wondered,
An act of kindless, led a disaster,
—
She gave birth to four,
Three blacks, only one white, with black spots,
In the dry drain in front of our house, there they laid,
We were glad, for the past few days there wasn’t rain.
—
I was beginning to think how gracious God is,
How He made things accomodating for her needs,
But I guess, I was wrong, but God I didn’t blame,
Inside me there is this sorrow, my heart feels the pain.
—
The white pup died the second day,
It was a he, he has a dick,
Motionless he laid, his stomach was green,
No wonder she has been crying lately.
—
I guess she was trying to hint us something bad happened,
We failed to notice, it was too late when mentioned,
We burried him in the garden,
I felt the loss, it was so sudden.
—
It came evening, the neighbour’s dog started barking,
Her senses undeniably great, she never fails sensing rain,
The thunder clapped, I was made alarmed,
The pups are still settled underground.
—
I wanted to help her to bring the pups to shelter,
Mom told me not to, problems it’ll foster,
The rain poured heavily over the plains,
I went out to check on them,
Only saw strong current crashing along the drain.
—
Are they safe, I began to wonder,
The rain subsided, children came out to play,
I went out to check on them,
They were no where to be found, I was sad.
—
I turned back, was about to enter the house,
I heard weak cries, you had no idea, it made me glad,
I went out to look again, and saw her there, with two,
I guess the other one, didn’t pull it through.
—
I look at her, she was shivering cold,
Under the rain, she cuddled her pups, licking them from head to toe,
I’m glad at least two, were still safe,
I hope it’ll remain like this, no more lives at stake.
—
Rain poured again, heavier than before,
Night came, it’ll be worse, evermore,
I can’t imagine the cold they’d have to go through,
I can’t believe there’s nothing I could do.
—
Will they be alright,
Will they see the next sunrise,
I hope God is in control over this,
I hope that your pups, the mornings ahead,
They’ll never miss.